Steps to effective parenting | Be the parent you wish you had

What is the right way to parent your children?

Have your kids started getting out of control lately? Do you think you are failing to appease them and their growing tantrums? How come the child who used to obey and be respectful is now being so rebellious and hateful towards you?

This blog will try to push some useful and effective parenting methods into your current traumatizing attempts !

Children are the most naïve thing, and when it comes to treating them with finesse - it just adds up to a lot of labor. You need to be polite, but not too polite that they take you for granted. You need to be strict but not too strict that they start hiding things from you. You need to be wild and free but not too wild and free that they consider ‘hooking up at any age is normal’. Uff! So much calculations and so much pressure ! But, guess what? I have stacked a couple of things that will help you understand the “WHY” of things.

We see our children acting up on minimal things, we see them revolting on every statement we launch. They suddenly think they are superior, now they have started talking back too, disrespectful they act and shameless they behave. 

But to every action stays the concept of ‘Why’ which provokes the person to perform it in the first place.

You need to understand that your child is growing, S/he has to now stand against the world, meet new people, own up to the tag of being “cool”, go through the lanes of “insecurities”, have to feel lost and useless, have to survive in this race of being the “Perfect kid”. 

Dear parents, you need to consider the fact that a parent was a child too, you yourself were once the child who used to get envious of others, rebellious, loud and hateful at a point. 

Now that you have gotten into the character of accepting the unconsidered,  let’s start with the actual steps and get you set for your performance !
Remember this performance is only meant to rekindle the relationship between you and your child. Do it for your kid. Be the parent you wished you had!

• A friend’s mouth to a friend's heart - Be a friend for your lonely kid. Be someone who talks freely, who shares, who listens, who respects his best friend’s presence. Act kiddish, talk teasingly, make jokes, laugh and giggle, spend time watching movies. Try being friends with your teenager. It will definitely bring them closer to you!

• “The Time you share, shows how much you care”. Sit down, don’t push what you think should be done instead try keeping quiet and letting your child speak. Listen. Don’t interrupt till they are done doing their word vomit before you. Let them feel the liberty to express, let them feel free to say anything and everything before you. Let them accept you as a friend and not as some strict parent. (Stay tuned because I will be dropping another blog just to rectify this one point in detail!)

• Lend some privacy - it's awful for a child when his/her parents always poke their noses in his/her business. Cut him some slack and let him/her be. For once don’t snoop around their room, don’t hunt their phones, don’t spy on the matter they forbid sharing. When you will give them some space, they will come to you, they will trust you to share. Don’t chase away your kids by being so tough or snoopy all the time. Let them know that they are loved, cared and adored, any time, all the time.

• Spill it open - talk. Not just about anything but about everything. They are blushing saying someone’s name, tease them a little, play a little, gossip and post your opinions about that person’s looks, habits in front of your child. Be positive and humble about what you say. Even if you castigate them dating, slip your denial with love. Let them open up, share and you involve in a friendly conversation too. Remember kids are not stupid, they know the right and wrong before you telling them yet they choose to go wrong at times to rebel, to show you how your forced opinion won’t matter. Don’t tag your opinions on them, be gentle with what you offer. The teenage is the most frail part and all they need is love. Let your guards down for a while and share with love.

• The shameless chit-chat. Casually slide about the topics your kid might know but are too grossed out to share or reveal. Try talking about naturally happening things like, 

• attraction towards same/ opposite sex

• The fun of self pleasure.

• The one night stands.

• The protections or other barriers.

• The boundaries to be adhered to.

• The porno’s.

• The crushes and heartbreaks.

• The depression and anxiety.

• The panic attacks and bad phases.

• The failures.

Let your child know that it's not despicable to masturbate, that it's acceptable to talk. That its fine and normal to get bad phases, anxieties. Let your child know that s/he’s very much healthy and you love them and  they will surpass the bad phases and habits.

• The packed they are, the demons stay afar. Remember, the more free they are, the more evil thoughts will nest in their brains, the more time they will get to goof around, the more they’ll be scrolling and attracting bad things. Don’t force them to do things rather invite them to fun activities, let them choose the type of activity they wanna be a part of, set them free and let them explore with different subjects and aspirations. Let them do something instead of doing things for them.

I hope if you try doing these, one at a time, with patience, with grace you’ll be able to establish the best relationship with your child. And the best part will be - It will be the same either way. 

The love you radiate is the love they reciprocate. Push yourself a little and save your kid from dooming.

Wishes to you and your family!